I missed my wife even before she went into treatment

When my wife finally sought help and entered a treatment facility, I was having a hard time with it.

In our 20-year marriage, we had never really been separated for a long period of time. So being separated for 28 days was difficult for me. I was so naïve about recovery that I didn’t even know the rehabilitation facility was co-ed. When I expressed my concerns to a counselor and told her that I wanted an interview to explain to me what this was all about she invited us into her office.

The counselor explained the process to me and gave me a piece of paper to read. It was basically a list of “Do’s and Don’ts” for the clients. I guess she saw the confused expression on my face and started asking me questions.

One question was, “Do you miss your wife?”

I just broke down and started to cry right there because I knew exactly what she meant. My wife thought that the counselor meant, “Are you going to miss your wife during this 28-day ordeal?” But I knew exactly what the counselor meant and answered by saying, “Yes, I do miss my wife because this person sitting next to me is not the same person I fell in love with 20 years ago.”

The counselor handed me a book and said, “Here, maybe this will help you.” It was a One Day at a Time in Al-Anon book. I’m sitting there crying and thinking, “They are taking my wife and all they are giving me is a book?”

When I got home, I threw the book on the bed and forgot about it. Later that evening, I attended a family meeting at the rehab center and then went home. As I was getting ready for bed, there was the book. So I started to read it.

I read the whole book that night.

Page three really caught my attention. It talks about the “disease of alcoholism” and about having compassion for the alcoholic. It also suggests that changing my attitude might aid my wife in her sobriety.

Page 332 also caught my eye. It talks about a husband who thought that he was a failure, but by accepting the Al-Anon idea, he can look inside of himself and find an inner strength to seek a new life for his family.

Well, it’s been more than eight years since I first read that book. I still have the original book today. I’ve since bought another one and donated it to the treatment facility.

My life today is truly filled with blessings and I owe it all to the professional who handed me that book.

By Al L., California
The Forum, March 2007

© Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 2007. All Rights Reserved.