A father found help when he learned how to listen

I came to Al-Anon when I realized that my son was an alcoholic. I felt angry, guilty, frustrated, and depressed. I desperately needed to rescue my son. I attended a few meetings, but nothing changed. He was still drinking. I was still miserable. I stopped coming.

I didn’t want to sit around listening to other people’s problems because mine were much more important. I had heard it all, but listened too little. I was too busy wallowing in self-pity and getting sucked into my son’s chaos. Neither of us was ready for recovery.

I returned to Al-Anon about a year ago—to support my wife. I can’t pinpoint the exact date, but something magical and mighty transpired. It started when I began to listen.

As a newcomer, I was overwhelmed. I couldn’t remember the Serenity Prayer, even though we recited it at the beginning and end of every meeting. The Twelve Steps may as well have been a tourist attraction in Rome. The slogans are what finally hooked me. They were easy to understand, based on common sense.

Soon these slogans were playing a vital role in my daily existence. I lacked the clarity to make sense of it all, but you kept encouraging me to keep coming back, so I listened.

Today, I wouldn’t dream of missing my meeting. Regardless of what is going on in my life, I need to be there. I feed off the energy emanating from this group.

I hear poignant tales of despair and disaster, the toxic fallout from alcoholism and addiction that renders our lives unmanageable. I hear uplifting stories of recovery and resilience, the by-products of faith and hope that bring us back to health. Each of you in your own way reaches out to me, sustaining me with strength, support, and fellowship.

My son has completed four months of rehab and has transitioned into sober living. We are both healing now. My quest to cure his addiction has evolved into a journey toward self-discovery.

I don’t know what obstacles may block the road ahead—and I have many more miles to travel. However, I carry with me the precious knowledge that I alone can secure my serenity and I alone can cast it away. And whether I am buffeted by storms caused by natural forces or my own thinking, I can find refuge here in this room.

I learned this by listening to all of you.

By B.A., Illinois
The Forum, November 2009

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