Getting past the fear, going to my first Al-Anon meeting

I grew up with six other siblings in a very dysfunctional alcoholic home. My father was the alcoholic; my mother played the classic victim role. I went through most of my life extremely unhappy: a workaholic, angry all the time—and not knowing why.

Twelve years ago, at the age of 46, I attended my first Al-Anon meeting. My life was in the bottom of the trash barrel. I had no job, my second marriage was finished, I was losing my beautiful home on 75 acres of land in the country, and my young daughter announced she wanted to live with me. Being dead did not seem to be such an awful thing to me.

I joined an exercise gym and took lessons from a retired professional boxer who, as my Higher Power would have it, was in the A.A. program. We became close friends. I soon found out he was raised in a home exactly like mine.

One day he informed me that he liked me, said I was a really nice guy, except for one small problem. He said I was crazier than an outhouse rat. He invited me to go to an Al-Anon meeting with his girlfriend, while he attended his A.A. meeting.

Of course I declined, saying I was never married to a drunk. He gave me a good sales pitch, with me saying “but…. but….” every chance I could.

During our workout, my friend kept mocking me. He repeated over and over that I was scared to go to a meeting filled with women. He playfully jabbed at my jelly-belly, declaring I was afraid of the opposite sex. Finally, in frustration – and only to shut him up – I said I would go.

So there I was sitting in the back seat of his car, stricken with fear, going to my first Al-Anon meeting. Next I was sitting, frozen, at a large table with about a dozen women. They smiled and made eye contact.

I have no idea what was said at this meeting. When it was my turn to speak, I announced this meeting was not for me, because I was not married to an alcoholic. I merely grew up in a home where dad drank a lot. Keep coming back, I was told; this is the place for you. Yeah right!

When the meeting was over I was introduced to one of the greatest gifts Al-Anon has to offer—the Al-Anon hug. These are not wimpy hugs. They are full frontal breath-takers instead. I immediately thought not to jump to any rash conclusions. There might be something to this Al-Anon business after all.

The program saved my life. I married the best hugger in the room. My Higher Power was taking care of me, when I finally let Him.

By David J., Quebec
The Forum, June 2010

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